Caribbean Cooler Nectar Supplement, 1 serving
90 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
23 - protein
Carrots, cooked, 0.5 carrot
8 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Beef Gravy, 0.1 cup
12 - calories
1 - carbs
1 - fat
1 - protein
NABISCO, Reduced Fat Ritz Crackers, 1.5 serving
21 - calories
3 - carbs
1 - fat
0 - protein
Philadelphia 1/3 Less Fat Cream Cheese, 1 oz
70 - calories
1 - carbs
6 - fat
2 - protein
Philadelphia 1/3 Less Fat Cream Cheese, 1 oz
70 - calories
1 - carbs
6 - fat
2 - protein
NABISCO, Reduced Fat Ritz Crackers, 1.5 serving
21 - calories
3 - carbs
1 - fat
0 - protein
Pears, fresh, 0.5 pear, medium (approx 2-1/2 per lb)
49 - calories
13 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Caribbean Cooler Nectar Supplement, 1 serving
90 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
23 - protein
Philadelphia 1/3 Less Fat Cream Cheese, 1 oz
70 - calories
1 - carbs
6 - fat
2 - protein
NABISCO, Reduced Fat Ritz Crackers, 1.5 serving
21 - calories
3 - carbs
1 - fat
0 - protein
Isopure Alpine Punch, 7 oz
56 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
14 - protein
Totals:
578 - calories (under goal)
28 - carbs (under goal but satisfied)
21 - fat (above goal)
68 - protein (right close to goal)
Water: 5 cups (under goal)
Exercise: 0 minutes. :(
Vitamins & Medication:
Multivitamin: 2x
B-Complex: 1x
B12: 1x
Calcium: 0
Lexapro: 1x
Geodon: 1x
Reflections:
I'm satisfied, overall, by my choice in foods for the day. I was comfortably full, and I think that's the point. Eat until you're full and stop. My calories are falling below my recommended 800-900 calories, but once I really started to be attentive to what I put in my body and how much, I started to reach my other goals more consistently. I stay below my carb allotment on a regular basis and I think that's okay. I don't concern myself too much with it cuz I haven't reached the minimum I'm allowed in days now. I do, however, remain vigilent on the fat I take in cuz I'm really good at going over just by making poor combination choices when I'm making a meal. It's paying off though, cuz my fat grams are either right in my allowed grams or just a hair above. I don't sweat going above a few grams usually, because, for one, feeling guilty will trigger my compulsive eating and I'll have to deal with that and two, a few grams just isn't that high over my 15-18 gram goals, and three, I don't go over on a regular basis anymore. I'm doing well in getting my minimum protein, and for one reason. I found out my edema from the lymphedema can resume without adequate protein. Most people worry about the hair loss. I'm used to hair loss from taking Depakote all those years. I spent my days crying sometimes from the amount I'd loose. So I'm used to that and can handle that. What I'm terrified of is the edema getting as bad as it was. It was painful and restricted my walking and activity levels and I don't ever wanna go back to that spot in my life, not ever again. I've become sorta phobic of edema, as crazy as that sounds. I think anyone would when they endure some of the pain I had with it, and having the hassel of having to put on leg wraps every morning and having to take them off at night only to have highly sensitive legs for hours, to have to rotate your shower schedule around when someone was around to do the leg wraps, and to make sure the person doing it knew the right tension so my circulation didn't get cut off (happened once). One time, because the edema was so bad, and because it's lymph fluid, not regular fluid, it's protein rich and loves to breed infection really easily; well, I got off the 4 wheeler and accidently rubbed my leg against the 4 wheeler on the way off and knew it hurt like a SOB, but I didn't think anything of it beyond that. Here, the sores wouldn't heal up and were a light moist yellow and kind of weepy sometimes, so I went to the doctor who did a wound culture on it to make sure it wasn't a staph infection and then put me on antibiotics just in case. The wound culture came back and it was a staph bacteria, she said, and that it was a fairly common one and not to worry. And the antibitoics healed the wounds. But the pain that came during the wound culture was unreal cuz she had to get into the wound to get a good sample and she wasn't trying to hurt me, but had to get a good sample to test. All that being said, and I could share more then enough to justify my near phobia of edema, this is why I'm terrified of edema and make sure to get at least my minimum on protein, if not above my minimum amount in a day. I've been working on doing my diet the night before so I have something roughly to follow and if I want to make a higher calorie or higher fat supper for our family meal, then I can work it into the day and still stay between my levels. It seems to be working cuz I just did one for the following day to fit in my meatball recipe I popped into a recipe calculator and found out one serving was rather high in fat, so I have my entire day's diet now planned so I can have one serving and still enjoy the same meal with my family and I couldn't be happier about it. Granted, I'm drinking protein supplements for all my meals until supper, then a little of another one and a diet hot chocolate for my evening snack, but at least I'm nutritionally sound for the most part, and I'm still allowing myself a food that I loved and still do love without having to kill my nutritional counts, and I feel at peace. I don't feel deprived by doing supplements all day. I just keep reminding myself that I get the meatball tonight and I'm really happy in thinking about that cuz I thoroughly enjoy them. I'm learning a lot about advanced planning and the benefits it has for me. It helps me a lot. I'm also glad I have an awesome site that does all the nutritional breakdowns and analysis for me, so I can just enter the info and it does the rest and I can still stay accountable and feel at peace in my decisions.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
January 19 Food & Reflections
Kraft Free American Cheese Singles, 1 slice
31 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
5 - protein
Wonder Light Wheat Bread, 1 serving
40 - calories
9 - carbs
0 - fat
3 - protein
Hormel Chili with Beans, 0.85 cup
204 - calories
29 - carbs
4 - fat
14 - protein
Tater Tot Hotdish, 0.1 serving
27 - calories
2 - carbs
2 - fat
1 - protein
Blue Bunny No Sugar Added Yogurt, 2.5 oz
33 - calories
5 - carbs
0 - fat
3 - protein
Caribbean Cooler Nectar Supplement, 2 serving
180 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
46 - protein
Diet Peach Tea, 4 cup
20 - calories
4 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Totals:
535 - calories
50 - carbs
6 - fat
72 - protein
Fluids: 6 cups
Vitamins & Medication:
Multivitamin: 2x
B-Complex: 1x
B12: 1x
Calcium: 1x (supposed to take twice)
Lexapro: 1x
Geodon: 1x
Reflections:
I had difficulty eating tonight. I did fine earlier. My meal plan for the day changed from what I'd done on it last night, but it was all right. I just adjusted the entire day's diet to keep within my limits or dang close. In fact, my modified diet for the day was only off by 2 g. of fat (2 g. too high from my limits). I didn't consider that bad at all. But I had to alter again tonight because I got this nasty blockage feeling yet again. It's becoming more frequent and it's very tiring to deal with. I don't know why it's happening either. I'm not vomiting any of the food up at least. But the general feeling of overall cruddiness is just not nice. It makes me not wanna eat after I get the feeling of a blockage, and I don't think it's a blockage. The only things that don't seem to induce the feeling anymore is smooth foods like yogurt or applesauce. Otherwise, half the time, I get the feeling when I start to eat. Sometimes it passes, other times I have to go through the gag spits, as I call them. They are exactly what I call them. Very self explanitory. I'm still debating on calling the doc. I'll probably see if it passes in the next week or so. It isn't totally stopping me from eating. I keep down whatever I do eat before it sets in, but my intake is decreasing as a result. Luckily I have this goal of 3 protein supplements a day, which makes up for the lack of protein I'm not getting from all these blockage feelings that stop me from eating. Once it happens, I just don't wanna eat anymore and it's like pulling teeth to get anything else down cuz I get such a full feeling afterwards. I managed to force myself to eat yogurt tonight. Didn't manage to get much down, but got a little so that's better then nothing. I had debated on making a protein supplement since I didn't get much protein in my supper from getting that nasty feeling, but didn't know if I should since I'd just eaten solids that did stay down. I didn't wanna flush that outta my stomach either and loose whatever nutrition I could get off it. Granted, it was little to start with, but didn't wanna decrease what I had there. I'm very tired now though. I gotta keep myself awake an hour and half more yet so I can get my last supplement in. I need it very badly since I missed on the protein at supper. I'm also beginning to get fuller easier. I do the no drinking a half hour before my meals on average. That's my surgeon's recommendations. And then a half hour after I don't drink anything either. I am just so puzzled on all of this. Hopefully I can figure something out. I did get about 35 minutes of Walmart walking in. I only got it in cuz I was having to babysit my SIL's kids tonight and wanted some foods around for them, and some plastic cups and forks so I wouldn't have to keep washing dishes. It's nice to have all these disposable dishes, and I did the tater tot hotdish for supper so I only have the one pan to clean since I did the dishes I cooked with. I just dunno bout this food issue I'm having. Why would I randomly be having problems like this suddenly?! Dang, I'm so tired now. I feel like I've dumped with as tired as I am, though I didn't at all. Could my body react that fast to a lack of protein in a meal? I wonder. I try to get five grams or more of protein a meal. Generally more, but at a minimum of five. Ug. Now I'm cold. Very strange. Our house is warm enough. My son is sleeping in just a Pull-Up. Just one of those frustrating nights. At least I have no desire to eat over it. I'm not hungry in the least. Getting the protein supplement in is gonna be a job in itself cuz I'm not feeling like anything. I'm just randomly picking up my glass of tea to drink cuz I know I have to. As far as my other nutritional stats for the day, I did okay considering I didn't really get much in way of supper. And a decrease in carbs and fat isn't bad either anyhow. I don't make it a habit to be real low on fat cuz I know the body needs some, but I do try to keep it lower anyhow. I might take my supplement and meds a little early so I can go to bed. Once the kids are asleep, I'm out I think.
Exercise:
35 minutes of leisurely walking in Walmart
31 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
5 - protein
Wonder Light Wheat Bread, 1 serving
40 - calories
9 - carbs
0 - fat
3 - protein
Hormel Chili with Beans, 0.85 cup
204 - calories
29 - carbs
4 - fat
14 - protein
Tater Tot Hotdish, 0.1 serving
27 - calories
2 - carbs
2 - fat
1 - protein
Blue Bunny No Sugar Added Yogurt, 2.5 oz
33 - calories
5 - carbs
0 - fat
3 - protein
Caribbean Cooler Nectar Supplement, 2 serving
180 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
46 - protein
Diet Peach Tea, 4 cup
20 - calories
4 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Totals:
535 - calories
50 - carbs
6 - fat
72 - protein
Fluids: 6 cups
Vitamins & Medication:
Multivitamin: 2x
B-Complex: 1x
B12: 1x
Calcium: 1x (supposed to take twice)
Lexapro: 1x
Geodon: 1x
Reflections:
I had difficulty eating tonight. I did fine earlier. My meal plan for the day changed from what I'd done on it last night, but it was all right. I just adjusted the entire day's diet to keep within my limits or dang close. In fact, my modified diet for the day was only off by 2 g. of fat (2 g. too high from my limits). I didn't consider that bad at all. But I had to alter again tonight because I got this nasty blockage feeling yet again. It's becoming more frequent and it's very tiring to deal with. I don't know why it's happening either. I'm not vomiting any of the food up at least. But the general feeling of overall cruddiness is just not nice. It makes me not wanna eat after I get the feeling of a blockage, and I don't think it's a blockage. The only things that don't seem to induce the feeling anymore is smooth foods like yogurt or applesauce. Otherwise, half the time, I get the feeling when I start to eat. Sometimes it passes, other times I have to go through the gag spits, as I call them. They are exactly what I call them. Very self explanitory. I'm still debating on calling the doc. I'll probably see if it passes in the next week or so. It isn't totally stopping me from eating. I keep down whatever I do eat before it sets in, but my intake is decreasing as a result. Luckily I have this goal of 3 protein supplements a day, which makes up for the lack of protein I'm not getting from all these blockage feelings that stop me from eating. Once it happens, I just don't wanna eat anymore and it's like pulling teeth to get anything else down cuz I get such a full feeling afterwards. I managed to force myself to eat yogurt tonight. Didn't manage to get much down, but got a little so that's better then nothing. I had debated on making a protein supplement since I didn't get much protein in my supper from getting that nasty feeling, but didn't know if I should since I'd just eaten solids that did stay down. I didn't wanna flush that outta my stomach either and loose whatever nutrition I could get off it. Granted, it was little to start with, but didn't wanna decrease what I had there. I'm very tired now though. I gotta keep myself awake an hour and half more yet so I can get my last supplement in. I need it very badly since I missed on the protein at supper. I'm also beginning to get fuller easier. I do the no drinking a half hour before my meals on average. That's my surgeon's recommendations. And then a half hour after I don't drink anything either. I am just so puzzled on all of this. Hopefully I can figure something out. I did get about 35 minutes of Walmart walking in. I only got it in cuz I was having to babysit my SIL's kids tonight and wanted some foods around for them, and some plastic cups and forks so I wouldn't have to keep washing dishes. It's nice to have all these disposable dishes, and I did the tater tot hotdish for supper so I only have the one pan to clean since I did the dishes I cooked with. I just dunno bout this food issue I'm having. Why would I randomly be having problems like this suddenly?! Dang, I'm so tired now. I feel like I've dumped with as tired as I am, though I didn't at all. Could my body react that fast to a lack of protein in a meal? I wonder. I try to get five grams or more of protein a meal. Generally more, but at a minimum of five. Ug. Now I'm cold. Very strange. Our house is warm enough. My son is sleeping in just a Pull-Up. Just one of those frustrating nights. At least I have no desire to eat over it. I'm not hungry in the least. Getting the protein supplement in is gonna be a job in itself cuz I'm not feeling like anything. I'm just randomly picking up my glass of tea to drink cuz I know I have to. As far as my other nutritional stats for the day, I did okay considering I didn't really get much in way of supper. And a decrease in carbs and fat isn't bad either anyhow. I don't make it a habit to be real low on fat cuz I know the body needs some, but I do try to keep it lower anyhow. I might take my supplement and meds a little early so I can go to bed. Once the kids are asleep, I'm out I think.
Exercise:
35 minutes of leisurely walking in Walmart
Friday, January 18, 2008
January 18 Food & Reflections
Caribbean Cooler Nectar Supplement, 1 serving
90 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
23 - protein
Vegetable Soup, 1 cup
145 - calories
24 - carbs
4 - fat
4 - protein
Kraft Free American Cheese Singles, 1 slice
31 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
5 - protein
Sweetpotato, fresh, 0.15 sweetpotato, 5" long
20 - calories
5 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Green Beans French style, 0.25 cup
10 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
1 - protein
Meatloaf, 0.75 serving
131 - calories
6 - carbs
9 - fat
6 - protein
Caribbean Cooler Nectar Supplement, 2 serving
180 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
46 - protein
Kraft Free American Cheese Singles, 1 slice
31 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
5 - protein
Cottage Cheese, Nonfat, 0.5 cup (not packed)
62 - calories
1 - carbs
0 - fat
13 - protein
Totals:
700 - calories (below goal of 800-900, but fine)
43 - carbs (below goal of 100-110 g., but fine)
14 - fat - (PERFECT!!!! -- goal is 15-18 g.)
102 - protein - (higher then goal but great! -- goal is minimum of 65
Vitamins & Meds:
Multi - 2x
B-Complex - 1x
B12- 1x
Calcium - 2x (FINALLY got them and they taste like candy!!!)
Lexapro - 1x
Geodon - 1x
Water: 6 cups
Reflections:
I was pleased at how my diet ended up. I added a total of 3 protein supplements for a couple reasons. One was to get an increased amount of protein in cuz I know that'll aid in weight loss and my overall health. Another is that it'll increase my fluid intake daily. I managed to get a total of 6 cups of fluid this time in the entire day. For me, this is improvement. It's taken me a long time to get to that. I'm 2 months out and I'm just finally reaching 6 cups. I'll try to reach another half cup tomorrow and keep that goal for a few days, and add another half cup every few days until I reach my total of 8 minimum. I think part of what helped me was advanced menu planning. I knew what I was eating all day ahead of time and could alter that and know exactly what my nutrition was for the day before I even ate it. I even ended up eating less of my supper then planned, but that's okay. I was comfortably full and I quit at that point. I got in enough protein and that was my main goal. I need to work on my menu for tomorrow so I have a rough idea of what I'll be eating. I alter as I wish in the day, but it helps with my impulsivity from my bipolar and borderline symptoms that I tend to get easily with food. It helps me keep my compulsive and binge eating under control as well. My energy level increased after I did 20 minutes of exercise. I started a new goal of 20 minutes of any kind of exercise daily, so I started that and it helped my energy levels for a couple hours at least. I know I didn't burn much in way of calories, but it's more then I would have had I sat in my chair debating what kind of exercise to do. I'm proud of myself for finally starting on that. I found an awesome site with medical ID bracelets that are pretty yet have a very visible ID plate with the info on it. It's probably gonna cost me like $75 in the end for it, but I'm okay with that cuz I'll enjoy wearing it. It'll have mood changing beads and those bring me right back to my childhood of the mood changing rings. And, with these bracelets, I can always order new bracelets to attach to the ID plate so they're interchangable and I love that quality about them as well. So while they're expensive, their quality is also high to go with it, so I don't mind. I don't get much for myself that is expensive and I view it as: if I am going to need to wear this for the rest of my life, then I might as well enjoy what I'm wearing so I keep wearing it. Right now I have a generic bracelet from Walmart. It has this black, rubber type band that has the ID plate on it, then a smaller red band for smaller wrists. Though, I think my wrist is as small as it might get. I was pinching it and there's hardly anything left to pinch now, so I am guessing I'm a large framed person as I always thought I was. Though, with this much weight on the body, it's always hard to know for sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm large framed with an hour glass figure, which I'll enjoy. I even had a semi hour glass figure before surgery. So it feels good to see the true me physically coming out now. I know I'm still heavy and I still feel heavy and I definitely think and act like a heavy person, but I'm 59 pounds slimmer and I can see it in my belly. It's actully flatter now. Before it was so rounded and tight. Now it's flatter and mushy. It's gross, but at least it's flatter. Now if I can figure out how to cope with the achy shins from my lymphedema, I'd be good. Since the weight loss started, the fat/skin hangs right over my lymph nodes going into my legs which causes my lymph nodes down in the legs to work overtime to keep the fluid down and while they're functioning enough to keep the fluid down, talk about this dull, annoying ache I get to live with! I called my lymphedema therapist finally to see if she has any ideas on how to cope. I hate to go back to my wraps. And I think they'll be gigantic on my legs anyhow. I'd only use them for pressure on the legs if I did anyhow. I dunno if that'd help. I know ice helps, but I have to put a hand towel on my leg, then the ice packs, then my leg wraps to keep them on. It's a hassel for me to wear that way and for Carl to have to do, but I might try it again to see if I can decrease that ache. It's not a painful ache, just this dull, ongoing ache that happens usually later in the day. I just got my calcium chewables. I LOVE them! They smell just like a bag of Red Hots, only they're not quite as hot. They have a much more mild flavor and they're like candy to me, so I'm really enjoying them! I refuse to by any form of candy, even sugar free, cuz then I'm scared I'll give myself permission to eat them all the time, so I just avoid that all together. So these are nice cuz I get to enjoy a candy flavor yet they're good for me. I'm so glad I decided to try them. So, for this day, I'm pleased overall. Still fatigued, but otherwise good.
90 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
23 - protein
Vegetable Soup, 1 cup
145 - calories
24 - carbs
4 - fat
4 - protein
Kraft Free American Cheese Singles, 1 slice
31 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
5 - protein
Sweetpotato, fresh, 0.15 sweetpotato, 5" long
20 - calories
5 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Green Beans French style, 0.25 cup
10 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
1 - protein
Meatloaf, 0.75 serving
131 - calories
6 - carbs
9 - fat
6 - protein
Caribbean Cooler Nectar Supplement, 2 serving
180 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
46 - protein
Kraft Free American Cheese Singles, 1 slice
31 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
5 - protein
Cottage Cheese, Nonfat, 0.5 cup (not packed)
62 - calories
1 - carbs
0 - fat
13 - protein
Totals:
700 - calories (below goal of 800-900, but fine)
43 - carbs (below goal of 100-110 g., but fine)
14 - fat - (PERFECT!!!! -- goal is 15-18 g.)
102 - protein - (higher then goal but great! -- goal is minimum of 65
Vitamins & Meds:
Multi - 2x
B-Complex - 1x
B12- 1x
Calcium - 2x (FINALLY got them and they taste like candy!!!)
Lexapro - 1x
Geodon - 1x
Water: 6 cups
Reflections:
I was pleased at how my diet ended up. I added a total of 3 protein supplements for a couple reasons. One was to get an increased amount of protein in cuz I know that'll aid in weight loss and my overall health. Another is that it'll increase my fluid intake daily. I managed to get a total of 6 cups of fluid this time in the entire day. For me, this is improvement. It's taken me a long time to get to that. I'm 2 months out and I'm just finally reaching 6 cups. I'll try to reach another half cup tomorrow and keep that goal for a few days, and add another half cup every few days until I reach my total of 8 minimum. I think part of what helped me was advanced menu planning. I knew what I was eating all day ahead of time and could alter that and know exactly what my nutrition was for the day before I even ate it. I even ended up eating less of my supper then planned, but that's okay. I was comfortably full and I quit at that point. I got in enough protein and that was my main goal. I need to work on my menu for tomorrow so I have a rough idea of what I'll be eating. I alter as I wish in the day, but it helps with my impulsivity from my bipolar and borderline symptoms that I tend to get easily with food. It helps me keep my compulsive and binge eating under control as well. My energy level increased after I did 20 minutes of exercise. I started a new goal of 20 minutes of any kind of exercise daily, so I started that and it helped my energy levels for a couple hours at least. I know I didn't burn much in way of calories, but it's more then I would have had I sat in my chair debating what kind of exercise to do. I'm proud of myself for finally starting on that. I found an awesome site with medical ID bracelets that are pretty yet have a very visible ID plate with the info on it. It's probably gonna cost me like $75 in the end for it, but I'm okay with that cuz I'll enjoy wearing it. It'll have mood changing beads and those bring me right back to my childhood of the mood changing rings. And, with these bracelets, I can always order new bracelets to attach to the ID plate so they're interchangable and I love that quality about them as well. So while they're expensive, their quality is also high to go with it, so I don't mind. I don't get much for myself that is expensive and I view it as: if I am going to need to wear this for the rest of my life, then I might as well enjoy what I'm wearing so I keep wearing it. Right now I have a generic bracelet from Walmart. It has this black, rubber type band that has the ID plate on it, then a smaller red band for smaller wrists. Though, I think my wrist is as small as it might get. I was pinching it and there's hardly anything left to pinch now, so I am guessing I'm a large framed person as I always thought I was. Though, with this much weight on the body, it's always hard to know for sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm large framed with an hour glass figure, which I'll enjoy. I even had a semi hour glass figure before surgery. So it feels good to see the true me physically coming out now. I know I'm still heavy and I still feel heavy and I definitely think and act like a heavy person, but I'm 59 pounds slimmer and I can see it in my belly. It's actully flatter now. Before it was so rounded and tight. Now it's flatter and mushy. It's gross, but at least it's flatter. Now if I can figure out how to cope with the achy shins from my lymphedema, I'd be good. Since the weight loss started, the fat/skin hangs right over my lymph nodes going into my legs which causes my lymph nodes down in the legs to work overtime to keep the fluid down and while they're functioning enough to keep the fluid down, talk about this dull, annoying ache I get to live with! I called my lymphedema therapist finally to see if she has any ideas on how to cope. I hate to go back to my wraps. And I think they'll be gigantic on my legs anyhow. I'd only use them for pressure on the legs if I did anyhow. I dunno if that'd help. I know ice helps, but I have to put a hand towel on my leg, then the ice packs, then my leg wraps to keep them on. It's a hassel for me to wear that way and for Carl to have to do, but I might try it again to see if I can decrease that ache. It's not a painful ache, just this dull, ongoing ache that happens usually later in the day. I just got my calcium chewables. I LOVE them! They smell just like a bag of Red Hots, only they're not quite as hot. They have a much more mild flavor and they're like candy to me, so I'm really enjoying them! I refuse to by any form of candy, even sugar free, cuz then I'm scared I'll give myself permission to eat them all the time, so I just avoid that all together. So these are nice cuz I get to enjoy a candy flavor yet they're good for me. I'm so glad I decided to try them. So, for this day, I'm pleased overall. Still fatigued, but otherwise good.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
January 17 Food & Reflections
Butter, salted, 1 pat (1" sq, 1/3" high)
36 - calories
0 - carbs
4 - fat
0 - protein
Egg, fresh, 1 large
75 - calories
1 - carbs
5 - fat
6 - protein
Wonder Light Wheat Bread, 1 serving
40 - calories
9 - carbs
0 - fat
3 - protein
Caribbean Cooler Nectar Supplement, 2 serving
180 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
46 - protein
Venison, 14 grams
21 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
4 - protein
Teriyaki Sauce, 0.15 packet
20 - calories
4 - carbs
0 - fat
1 - protein
Teriyaki Sauce, 0.15 packet
20 - calories
4 - carbs
0 - fat
1 - protein
Soy Sauce, 0.25 tsp
1 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Kraft Free American Cheese Singles, 2 slice
62 - calories
5 - carbs
0 - fat
10 - protein
Sour Cream, 2 tbsp
51 - calories
1 - carbs
5 - fat
1 - protein
Pace Picante Mild Salsa, 2 tbsp
10 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Egg, fresh, 2 large
149 - calories
1 - carbs
10 - fat
12 - protein
NABISCO, Reduced Fat Ritz Crackers, 1 serving
14 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Jif Creamy Peanut Butter, reduced fat, 1 tbsp
95 - calories
8 - carbs
6 - fat
4 - protein
Totals:
753 - calories (barely under -- goal is 800-900)
33 - carbs (significantly under which is okay -- goal is 100-110)
31 - fat (up by almost double, not cool -- goal is 15-18)
87 - protein (increased and very good! -- goal is minimum of 65)
Vitamins & Medications:
Multi-vitamin: 2x
B-Complex: 1x
B12: 1x
Calcium: (waiting on order)
Lexapro: 1x
Geodon: 1x
Exercise: 10 minutes
Fluid: 4 cups (poor intake)
Reflections:
My fat grams ended up way too high. Eating 3 eggs in a day really threw them off, though the protein in them is good, so I guess it's a trade off. I suppose I could have went with a couple slices of cheese instead of PB for my evening snack to still get protein yet not the fat though. I thought about it and opted out. I should start entering my foods into the thing and see what it'll do to my nutritional consumption in the day. Maybe I'll start to do menu planning in the mornings when I get up. I can always change things if I just don't want what I planned on, but if I plan it out and work hard to stick to those choices, maybe it'll bring those fat grams down. I am, however, pleased that my carbs were low, my protein was high, and my calories were so close to my goal. That does compensate to me for the out of whack fat grams. I realize they were high, but the rest of my goals were done well and that settles me. I can't justify the fat grams, but I won't sweat it either. I'll just work on improving it instead. I have yet to take my second vitamin. When I took my Geodon, after I woke up from an hour and a half nap, I just didn't feel like it, but knew I'd be awake a little while, so I'd have an opportunity to get it in despite not taking it at that point. I wish my calcium would get here so I can finally feel like I'm really following my doctor's orders. Now I need to find an exercise routine until the weather cooperates with me when I can get out and walk. I walk to and from the mailbox daily, and that's five minutes right there, but most days it's too cold to do more then that at this point. So I dunno. I'll figure something out. I'm really adjusting to the flavor of the Carribean Cooler Nectar Protein Supplement finally. I can drink an 8 ounce portion in around 20 minutes or so, which, for me, is huge improvement. I think it's the coconut flavor it has that helps since I love coconut flavored anything. Now if I could find a peach one I loved, I'd be great. I did try a peach one, but didn't care for it. It was a sample pack I had. I have to try the natural peach one yet tho. I think I'm moving to protein supplements for breakfast now cuz I'm getting too much fat from the egg and butter in the mornings. I will still do the egg think now and then, but I need to work on starting on less fat in the morning to help my overall diet all day. Then if I want meat such as hamburger or something, it's not as bad on my counts. But overall, I'm pleased today.
36 - calories
0 - carbs
4 - fat
0 - protein
Egg, fresh, 1 large
75 - calories
1 - carbs
5 - fat
6 - protein
Wonder Light Wheat Bread, 1 serving
40 - calories
9 - carbs
0 - fat
3 - protein
Caribbean Cooler Nectar Supplement, 2 serving
180 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
46 - protein
Venison, 14 grams
21 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
4 - protein
Teriyaki Sauce, 0.15 packet
20 - calories
4 - carbs
0 - fat
1 - protein
Teriyaki Sauce, 0.15 packet
20 - calories
4 - carbs
0 - fat
1 - protein
Soy Sauce, 0.25 tsp
1 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Kraft Free American Cheese Singles, 2 slice
62 - calories
5 - carbs
0 - fat
10 - protein
Sour Cream, 2 tbsp
51 - calories
1 - carbs
5 - fat
1 - protein
Pace Picante Mild Salsa, 2 tbsp
10 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Egg, fresh, 2 large
149 - calories
1 - carbs
10 - fat
12 - protein
NABISCO, Reduced Fat Ritz Crackers, 1 serving
14 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Jif Creamy Peanut Butter, reduced fat, 1 tbsp
95 - calories
8 - carbs
6 - fat
4 - protein
Totals:
753 - calories (barely under -- goal is 800-900)
33 - carbs (significantly under which is okay -- goal is 100-110)
31 - fat (up by almost double, not cool -- goal is 15-18)
87 - protein (increased and very good! -- goal is minimum of 65)
Vitamins & Medications:
Multi-vitamin: 2x
B-Complex: 1x
B12: 1x
Calcium: (waiting on order)
Lexapro: 1x
Geodon: 1x
Exercise: 10 minutes
Fluid: 4 cups (poor intake)
Reflections:
My fat grams ended up way too high. Eating 3 eggs in a day really threw them off, though the protein in them is good, so I guess it's a trade off. I suppose I could have went with a couple slices of cheese instead of PB for my evening snack to still get protein yet not the fat though. I thought about it and opted out. I should start entering my foods into the thing and see what it'll do to my nutritional consumption in the day. Maybe I'll start to do menu planning in the mornings when I get up. I can always change things if I just don't want what I planned on, but if I plan it out and work hard to stick to those choices, maybe it'll bring those fat grams down. I am, however, pleased that my carbs were low, my protein was high, and my calories were so close to my goal. That does compensate to me for the out of whack fat grams. I realize they were high, but the rest of my goals were done well and that settles me. I can't justify the fat grams, but I won't sweat it either. I'll just work on improving it instead. I have yet to take my second vitamin. When I took my Geodon, after I woke up from an hour and a half nap, I just didn't feel like it, but knew I'd be awake a little while, so I'd have an opportunity to get it in despite not taking it at that point. I wish my calcium would get here so I can finally feel like I'm really following my doctor's orders. Now I need to find an exercise routine until the weather cooperates with me when I can get out and walk. I walk to and from the mailbox daily, and that's five minutes right there, but most days it's too cold to do more then that at this point. So I dunno. I'll figure something out. I'm really adjusting to the flavor of the Carribean Cooler Nectar Protein Supplement finally. I can drink an 8 ounce portion in around 20 minutes or so, which, for me, is huge improvement. I think it's the coconut flavor it has that helps since I love coconut flavored anything. Now if I could find a peach one I loved, I'd be great. I did try a peach one, but didn't care for it. It was a sample pack I had. I have to try the natural peach one yet tho. I think I'm moving to protein supplements for breakfast now cuz I'm getting too much fat from the egg and butter in the mornings. I will still do the egg think now and then, but I need to work on starting on less fat in the morning to help my overall diet all day. Then if I want meat such as hamburger or something, it's not as bad on my counts. But overall, I'm pleased today.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
January 16 Food & Reflections
Butter, salted, 1 pat (1" sq, 1/3" high)
36 - calories
0 - carbs
4 - fat
0 - protein
Egg, fresh, 1 large
75 - calories
1 - carbs
5 - fat
6 -protein
Bread, reduced-calorie, wheat, 1 slice
46 - calories
10 - carbs
1 - fat
2 - protein
Chicken Breast, no skin, 2 ounces
62 - calories
0 - carbs
1 - fat
13 - protein
Mcdonald's Newman's Own Ranch Dressing, 0.1 serving
17 - calories
1 - carbs
2 - fat
0 - protein
Vegetable Lasagne, 1 serving
390 - calories
40 - carbs
18 - fat
17 - protein
Bread, reduced-calorie, wheat, 1 slice
46 - calories
10 - carbs
1 - fat
2 - protein
McDonald's Fruit & Yogurt Parfait, 1 serving
160 - calories
31 - carbs
2 - fat
4 - protein
Jif Creamy Peanut Butter, reduced fat, 1 tbsp
95 - calories
8 - carbs
6 - fat
4 - protein
Caribbean Cooler Nectar Supplement, 1 serving
90 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
23 - protein
Totals:
1,016 - calories (high)
100 - carbs (goal)
38 - fat (high)
72 - protein (above goal)
Reflections:
My calories were up significantly, likely from the full serving of the vegi lasagne. I knew better, but I was really hungry. What I should have done was had my usual half serving, then had some green beans with it to fill up. I've been fairly hungry all day. Did have a blockage from my chicken at lunch. I got a salad and was eating the chicken, wasn't eating too fat, just didn't chew my bite well enough. I did some gagging and spitting up spit, but never did get sick from it. It musta worked its way through, thank heavens. Didn't last as long as usual. For that I'm more then happy. The vegi lasagne is also what killed my fat grams for the day. If I want it again, and if I do eat a full serving again, I need to do so early in the day, at my morning snack or lunch meals so I can account for the difference in my goals and plan the rest of my day. By the time I ate it, it was later in the day so I couldn't do anything to alter it. I just need to plan better and learn from this for the future. I only had the protein supplement thrown in at the end of my day because I have to have food with Geodon at the time I take it otherwise I wouldn'tve thrown that in and it at least woulda kept the calories down. So I not only added it in for the Geodon dosage, but I also added it in because I was under my protein goal and wanted to at least meet my goal. My goal tomorrow, I do believe, is to do at least one protein shake for sure. I need to implement one shake into my diet daily, even if I can't quite get used to the flavor. I try, but just can't seem to get used to it. It isn't that the flavor is bad. It beats the milk based, the chocolate or vanilla ones, for me. But the flavor is just aquired for me, I think. I had a husband with a massive headache this morning home with me, and then my son was feeling kinda cruddy from a cold as well, so he was home resting and then running a low grade fever, which subsided after Tylenol and never came back. He wouldn't shut up and go to sleep tonight though. It was frustrating. He just kept talking. I'm not sure why he was so wired tonight. At least he's asleep now though.
Vitamins & Meds
Multi-vitamin - 2x
Calcium - (waiting on order)
B12 - 1x
B-Complex - 1x (order finally go there today!)
Lexapro - 1x
Geodon - 1x
36 - calories
0 - carbs
4 - fat
0 - protein
Egg, fresh, 1 large
75 - calories
1 - carbs
5 - fat
6 -protein
Bread, reduced-calorie, wheat, 1 slice
46 - calories
10 - carbs
1 - fat
2 - protein
Chicken Breast, no skin, 2 ounces
62 - calories
0 - carbs
1 - fat
13 - protein
Mcdonald's Newman's Own Ranch Dressing, 0.1 serving
17 - calories
1 - carbs
2 - fat
0 - protein
Vegetable Lasagne, 1 serving
390 - calories
40 - carbs
18 - fat
17 - protein
Bread, reduced-calorie, wheat, 1 slice
46 - calories
10 - carbs
1 - fat
2 - protein
McDonald's Fruit & Yogurt Parfait, 1 serving
160 - calories
31 - carbs
2 - fat
4 - protein
Jif Creamy Peanut Butter, reduced fat, 1 tbsp
95 - calories
8 - carbs
6 - fat
4 - protein
Caribbean Cooler Nectar Supplement, 1 serving
90 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
23 - protein
Totals:
1,016 - calories (high)
100 - carbs (goal)
38 - fat (high)
72 - protein (above goal)
Reflections:
My calories were up significantly, likely from the full serving of the vegi lasagne. I knew better, but I was really hungry. What I should have done was had my usual half serving, then had some green beans with it to fill up. I've been fairly hungry all day. Did have a blockage from my chicken at lunch. I got a salad and was eating the chicken, wasn't eating too fat, just didn't chew my bite well enough. I did some gagging and spitting up spit, but never did get sick from it. It musta worked its way through, thank heavens. Didn't last as long as usual. For that I'm more then happy. The vegi lasagne is also what killed my fat grams for the day. If I want it again, and if I do eat a full serving again, I need to do so early in the day, at my morning snack or lunch meals so I can account for the difference in my goals and plan the rest of my day. By the time I ate it, it was later in the day so I couldn't do anything to alter it. I just need to plan better and learn from this for the future. I only had the protein supplement thrown in at the end of my day because I have to have food with Geodon at the time I take it otherwise I wouldn'tve thrown that in and it at least woulda kept the calories down. So I not only added it in for the Geodon dosage, but I also added it in because I was under my protein goal and wanted to at least meet my goal. My goal tomorrow, I do believe, is to do at least one protein shake for sure. I need to implement one shake into my diet daily, even if I can't quite get used to the flavor. I try, but just can't seem to get used to it. It isn't that the flavor is bad. It beats the milk based, the chocolate or vanilla ones, for me. But the flavor is just aquired for me, I think. I had a husband with a massive headache this morning home with me, and then my son was feeling kinda cruddy from a cold as well, so he was home resting and then running a low grade fever, which subsided after Tylenol and never came back. He wouldn't shut up and go to sleep tonight though. It was frustrating. He just kept talking. I'm not sure why he was so wired tonight. At least he's asleep now though.
Vitamins & Meds
Multi-vitamin - 2x
Calcium - (waiting on order)
B12 - 1x
B-Complex - 1x (order finally go there today!)
Lexapro - 1x
Geodon - 1x
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
January 15 Food & Reflections
Butter, salted, 1 pat (1" sq, 1/3" high)
36 - calories
0 - carbs
4 - fat
0 - protein
Egg, fresh, 1 large
75 - calories
1 - carbs
5 - fat
6 - protein
Bread, reduced-calorie, wheat, 1 slice
46 - calories
10 - carbs
1 - fat
2 - protein
Teriyaki Turkey Jerky, 2 oz
160 - calories
8 - carbs
1 - fat
30 - protein
Isopure Alpine Punch, 20 oz
160 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
40 - protein
Vegetables, Mixed Salad Greens, 0.5 serving(s)
8 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
1 - protein
Hidden Valley, Fat Free Ranch Dressing, 2 tbsp
30 - calories
6 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Kraft Fat Free Shredded Cheese, 1 serving
45 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
9 - protein
Totals:
558 - calories (low)--goal is 800-900 calories...but just wasn't real hungry.
28 - carbs (low)--low carbs aren't bad at all, I just note when the numbers come out high or low...my average goal for the calorie goal I have is 100-110 g.
11 - fat (low)--low fat isn't bad either. For the calories I make a goal, my fat should average about 15-18 g.
88 - protein (right on!)--it was higher then my goal, but that's always a good thing! The goal is a minimum of 65 g.
Reflections:
Although my calories, fat and carbs fell lower then the average goals I have, I find that okay. I simply wasn't hungry at all and forced myself to keep my every 3 hours of protein going. I did a protein supplement for 2 of my meals. My Isopure 20 ounce bottles I count for 2 meals when I'm drinking them. Now, what I wonder is...should I count my supplements as part of my daily fluid requirements, or do I only count very low calorie (5 calories or less) fluids as my only fluids in a day. I don't know how to count my fluids. I'll probably ask that on Daily Strength and see what some people over there say. I always get lots of good advice from there. I also am more tired then I was in the last month. It started when I got a night of little sleep, around three or four hours, but I've napped since and I just can't seem to recover. I've been taking my multi twice a day now, my calcium should be arriving eventually, my B-Complex just arrived and I'm taking that and I take my B12 daily. I'm wondering if I should maybe pump up my B12 dose to double. One in the morning with breakfast and one at lunch maybe. I am just so unbelievably tired. I sit and I'm just so ready to sleep lately. I have to sit and then get up and move within a half hour to keep myself awake. I'm so tired I have no energy to do the dishes, pick up, clean, anything. I just feel so zombie-like, simply forcing myself along right now. I read about hibernation syndrome, but am not sure the time table on that post-op. I need to look it up again in my bypass surgery bible. (Barbara Thompson's "Finding The Thin Person Inside Of You" -- or something to that effect). It has a ton of good answers for me. Anyhow, I dunno. I'll ask that on Daily Strength too. But overall, I did well as far as supplements, protein and food in general. I just need to work on fluids. It's a work.
Vitamins & Meds:
Multivitamin: 2x
B12: 1x
B-Complex: (waiting on order, should arrive tomorrow!)
Calcium: (waiting on order)
Geodon: 1x
Lexapro: 1x
36 - calories
0 - carbs
4 - fat
0 - protein
Egg, fresh, 1 large
75 - calories
1 - carbs
5 - fat
6 - protein
Bread, reduced-calorie, wheat, 1 slice
46 - calories
10 - carbs
1 - fat
2 - protein
Teriyaki Turkey Jerky, 2 oz
160 - calories
8 - carbs
1 - fat
30 - protein
Isopure Alpine Punch, 20 oz
160 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
40 - protein
Vegetables, Mixed Salad Greens, 0.5 serving(s)
8 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
1 - protein
Hidden Valley, Fat Free Ranch Dressing, 2 tbsp
30 - calories
6 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Kraft Fat Free Shredded Cheese, 1 serving
45 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
9 - protein
Totals:
558 - calories (low)--goal is 800-900 calories...but just wasn't real hungry.
28 - carbs (low)--low carbs aren't bad at all, I just note when the numbers come out high or low...my average goal for the calorie goal I have is 100-110 g.
11 - fat (low)--low fat isn't bad either. For the calories I make a goal, my fat should average about 15-18 g.
88 - protein (right on!)--it was higher then my goal, but that's always a good thing! The goal is a minimum of 65 g.
Reflections:
Although my calories, fat and carbs fell lower then the average goals I have, I find that okay. I simply wasn't hungry at all and forced myself to keep my every 3 hours of protein going. I did a protein supplement for 2 of my meals. My Isopure 20 ounce bottles I count for 2 meals when I'm drinking them. Now, what I wonder is...should I count my supplements as part of my daily fluid requirements, or do I only count very low calorie (5 calories or less) fluids as my only fluids in a day. I don't know how to count my fluids. I'll probably ask that on Daily Strength and see what some people over there say. I always get lots of good advice from there. I also am more tired then I was in the last month. It started when I got a night of little sleep, around three or four hours, but I've napped since and I just can't seem to recover. I've been taking my multi twice a day now, my calcium should be arriving eventually, my B-Complex just arrived and I'm taking that and I take my B12 daily. I'm wondering if I should maybe pump up my B12 dose to double. One in the morning with breakfast and one at lunch maybe. I am just so unbelievably tired. I sit and I'm just so ready to sleep lately. I have to sit and then get up and move within a half hour to keep myself awake. I'm so tired I have no energy to do the dishes, pick up, clean, anything. I just feel so zombie-like, simply forcing myself along right now. I read about hibernation syndrome, but am not sure the time table on that post-op. I need to look it up again in my bypass surgery bible. (Barbara Thompson's "Finding The Thin Person Inside Of You" -- or something to that effect). It has a ton of good answers for me. Anyhow, I dunno. I'll ask that on Daily Strength too. But overall, I did well as far as supplements, protein and food in general. I just need to work on fluids. It's a work.
Vitamins & Meds:
Multivitamin: 2x
B12: 1x
B-Complex: (waiting on order, should arrive tomorrow!)
Calcium: (waiting on order)
Geodon: 1x
Lexapro: 1x
Monday, January 14, 2008
January 14 Food & Reflections
Cottage Cheese, Nonfat, 0.5 cup (not packed)
62 - calories
1 - carbs
0 - fat
13 - protein
Teriyaki Turkey Jerky, 1.5 oz
120 - calories
6 - carbs
1- fat
23 - protein
Taco Bell Pintos 'n Cheese, 1 serving
150 - calories
19 - carbs
6 - fat
9 - protein
Vegetable Soup, 1 cup
145 - calories
24 - carbs
4 - fat
4 - protein
NABISCO, Reduced Fat Ritz Crackers, 1 serving
14 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Jif Creamy Peanut Butter, reduced fat, 1.5 tbsp
143 - calories
11 - carbs
9 - fat
6 - protein
Kraft Free American Cheese Singles, 1 slice
31 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
5 - protein
Diet Peach Tea, 1 cup
5 - calories
1 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Sugar Free Kool-Aid, 16 oz
10 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Totals:
679 - calories (low)
67 - carbs ( low)
21 - fat (high)
59 - protein (low)
Reflections:
I should have had a protein shake instead of the peanut butter crackers for my last snack to kick up my protein. It likely wouldn'tve gotten it high enough to meet 65 g., but it would have gotten it closer. Otherwise, upon reflection of my food, I was comfortably full and don't feel that I needed more then I had despite my calories being under my average goal. And I know the carbs being under my goal average isn't bad either. But I need to throw in one protein shake a day if I'm going to be eating less in quantity in the day and will likely throw in a protein supplement int he evening snack if I notice the protein level blow the goal and am unable to pull it high enough with whatever it is I have decided to eat.
I didn't get any good exercise. I did appointment running around type stuff, walked through the dollar store for maybe fifteen minutes, but my goal is 30 minutes of exercise, so I didn't meet my goal. I know a little extra activity it good, but I still want to get to my goal of 30 minutes daily.
Meds & Vitamins:
Multivitamin: 1x (supposed to take twice)
B-Complex: 0 (waiting on order, which projected arrival date is Wednesday)
B12: 1x
Calcium: 0 (waiting on order, which is yet to be shipped)
Geodon: 0 (had every intetion of taking but fell asleep and woke too late to take it)
Lexapro: 1x
I also had an emotional stint here a bit ago while I was online talking to a good friend. She said I compare to her situations too much and she never knows how bad it'll be. But in all honesty, that isn't what I was doing. At least not on purpose. My intention in sharing what I've endured compared to hers is to show her that I genuinely understand her pain, not to compare how much worse I had it as opposed to her. I wanted her to know I really did understand what she was talking about, not just talking shit in saying that I understood. I hate when people say they understand and really don't, so for me, I feel if I share what I've endured after they share the same, I'm showing them that I truly understand as I say I do. I honestly had my heart in a good place. I had good intentions. When she said that, my heart shattered right there. As weird as this sounds, my fingers are froze after that. I tend to react physically after something like that. I don't know why. But I do, on some way or form. I nearly cried. It isn't that I didn't want to, it's that I held back. I felt that bad. It's rare I do something that I feel has hurt someone so bad that I need to cry to feel a little better. I honestly never did what I did to hurt her. I'd never ever do that. I'm just not that way. But...good news in all this is, I'm not allowing myself to eat yet. It's not time for me to eat, so I'm sitting here with my glass of SF Kool-Aid and just drinking away instead. I still feel so very badly for what I've caused her to feel though. I can't even bring myself to talk to her right now. I just feel so badly for how I've caused her to feel when I know she's having a very difficult time right now. I think I'll let her come to me on her own now. She needs her time to recover of this. I'm not going to share with her my past situations anymore, even if it is in good intentions. I don't want to upset and hurt her as I have. I told her I was sorry and explained why I did it and that my heart was in the right place. I put the ball in her court, basically, just like the 12 steps teaches. I've been through the 12 steps for compulsive eating and while it didn't help with that behavior, it did teach me some valuable things along the way, one being to make ammends as soon as you can and put the ball back in that person's court, to clean up your side of the street and let it be. Well, I'm attempting my very best to do that, to not let this emotionaly situation affect my eating. It's okay to feel bad for what happened, even if my heart was in the right place. It's okay to cry about it even. But it's not okay to eat over it and I won't. I want to establish good habits in this first year post-op, and it has to start right where I'm at. I can't justify grazing when I'm not supposed to. If I was genuinely hungry, it'd be different if I had a snack. I've done it. But I know what hungry feels like finally, and what I feel isn't hungry. It's emotional pain and I want to cope the way I always have and I refuse to do that. It's not worth giving up my health again and never will be. Bad things are going to come up on me. But I won't allow those bad things to control and dictate how and what I eat anymore. I'm now eating to live, not living to eat, and that's the way I need to keep my mindset. I won't allow myself to stray. I'm so cold again. I need to go lay in bed where we have a heater in our room on top of the wood stove running and my dryer running. (I have clothes drying yet). I'll be okay. My mind is in the right spot. But I'm just a bit sad for what happened between my friend and I. Somehow we always get through our spots like this (it's happened before), so I know this too will pass, but until it does, I'll worry if she's going to stay upset with me. I need to let her overcome her feelings on this, and she needs to truly understand how sorry I really am and I can't tell her anymore how sorry I am because I already did. No amount of me repeating myself is going to help her understand or see that and I have to accept that. I'll be okay. I know I will be.
62 - calories
1 - carbs
0 - fat
13 - protein
Teriyaki Turkey Jerky, 1.5 oz
120 - calories
6 - carbs
1- fat
23 - protein
Taco Bell Pintos 'n Cheese, 1 serving
150 - calories
19 - carbs
6 - fat
9 - protein
Vegetable Soup, 1 cup
145 - calories
24 - carbs
4 - fat
4 - protein
NABISCO, Reduced Fat Ritz Crackers, 1 serving
14 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Jif Creamy Peanut Butter, reduced fat, 1.5 tbsp
143 - calories
11 - carbs
9 - fat
6 - protein
Kraft Free American Cheese Singles, 1 slice
31 - calories
2 - carbs
0 - fat
5 - protein
Diet Peach Tea, 1 cup
5 - calories
1 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Sugar Free Kool-Aid, 16 oz
10 - calories
0 - carbs
0 - fat
0 - protein
Totals:
679 - calories (low)
67 - carbs ( low)
21 - fat (high)
59 - protein (low)
Reflections:
I should have had a protein shake instead of the peanut butter crackers for my last snack to kick up my protein. It likely wouldn'tve gotten it high enough to meet 65 g., but it would have gotten it closer. Otherwise, upon reflection of my food, I was comfortably full and don't feel that I needed more then I had despite my calories being under my average goal. And I know the carbs being under my goal average isn't bad either. But I need to throw in one protein shake a day if I'm going to be eating less in quantity in the day and will likely throw in a protein supplement int he evening snack if I notice the protein level blow the goal and am unable to pull it high enough with whatever it is I have decided to eat.
I didn't get any good exercise. I did appointment running around type stuff, walked through the dollar store for maybe fifteen minutes, but my goal is 30 minutes of exercise, so I didn't meet my goal. I know a little extra activity it good, but I still want to get to my goal of 30 minutes daily.
Meds & Vitamins:
Multivitamin: 1x (supposed to take twice)
B-Complex: 0 (waiting on order, which projected arrival date is Wednesday)
B12: 1x
Calcium: 0 (waiting on order, which is yet to be shipped)
Geodon: 0 (had every intetion of taking but fell asleep and woke too late to take it)
Lexapro: 1x
I also had an emotional stint here a bit ago while I was online talking to a good friend. She said I compare to her situations too much and she never knows how bad it'll be. But in all honesty, that isn't what I was doing. At least not on purpose. My intention in sharing what I've endured compared to hers is to show her that I genuinely understand her pain, not to compare how much worse I had it as opposed to her. I wanted her to know I really did understand what she was talking about, not just talking shit in saying that I understood. I hate when people say they understand and really don't, so for me, I feel if I share what I've endured after they share the same, I'm showing them that I truly understand as I say I do. I honestly had my heart in a good place. I had good intentions. When she said that, my heart shattered right there. As weird as this sounds, my fingers are froze after that. I tend to react physically after something like that. I don't know why. But I do, on some way or form. I nearly cried. It isn't that I didn't want to, it's that I held back. I felt that bad. It's rare I do something that I feel has hurt someone so bad that I need to cry to feel a little better. I honestly never did what I did to hurt her. I'd never ever do that. I'm just not that way. But...good news in all this is, I'm not allowing myself to eat yet. It's not time for me to eat, so I'm sitting here with my glass of SF Kool-Aid and just drinking away instead. I still feel so very badly for what I've caused her to feel though. I can't even bring myself to talk to her right now. I just feel so badly for how I've caused her to feel when I know she's having a very difficult time right now. I think I'll let her come to me on her own now. She needs her time to recover of this. I'm not going to share with her my past situations anymore, even if it is in good intentions. I don't want to upset and hurt her as I have. I told her I was sorry and explained why I did it and that my heart was in the right place. I put the ball in her court, basically, just like the 12 steps teaches. I've been through the 12 steps for compulsive eating and while it didn't help with that behavior, it did teach me some valuable things along the way, one being to make ammends as soon as you can and put the ball back in that person's court, to clean up your side of the street and let it be. Well, I'm attempting my very best to do that, to not let this emotionaly situation affect my eating. It's okay to feel bad for what happened, even if my heart was in the right place. It's okay to cry about it even. But it's not okay to eat over it and I won't. I want to establish good habits in this first year post-op, and it has to start right where I'm at. I can't justify grazing when I'm not supposed to. If I was genuinely hungry, it'd be different if I had a snack. I've done it. But I know what hungry feels like finally, and what I feel isn't hungry. It's emotional pain and I want to cope the way I always have and I refuse to do that. It's not worth giving up my health again and never will be. Bad things are going to come up on me. But I won't allow those bad things to control and dictate how and what I eat anymore. I'm now eating to live, not living to eat, and that's the way I need to keep my mindset. I won't allow myself to stray. I'm so cold again. I need to go lay in bed where we have a heater in our room on top of the wood stove running and my dryer running. (I have clothes drying yet). I'll be okay. My mind is in the right spot. But I'm just a bit sad for what happened between my friend and I. Somehow we always get through our spots like this (it's happened before), so I know this too will pass, but until it does, I'll worry if she's going to stay upset with me. I need to let her overcome her feelings on this, and she needs to truly understand how sorry I really am and I can't tell her anymore how sorry I am because I already did. No amount of me repeating myself is going to help her understand or see that and I have to accept that. I'll be okay. I know I will be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
